I stand here leaning on the fence watching my daughter ride a horse and do therapy. I don’t usually let my self feel down depressed or like life is too hard for her because no one can live with those why me feelings for long. Today however I feel a bit depressed.

When we walked in this morning the therapist noticed that haley’s shoulders were drooping and her left shoulder is hunched forward. Neither of us had previously noticed.

Haley is doing an intense therapy program this past week and most of next. The hippo therapist suggested that perhaps the intensive work might have her drained and I hope that is the case. It sometimes seems as though there are ever more issues, whether it’s reading, braces or insurance saying they will no longer pay for therapy this year we are always dealing with something and I guess a lot has transpired this past week.

Insurance has told us that we have maxed our visits for the year and they will no longer pay for therapy until next year at which point we will only have 60 visits. They are telling us that even though it is medically necessary as part of the surgery they pre-approved and they told us verbally that we would have unlimited visits based on the need, it doesn’t fall under our policy. So we will be paying for therapy out of pocket for the remainder of the year.

On a happy note as I was writing this post I got a facebook notification from a friend that he saw me on CNN. That felt good.

Haley and I leave for St. Louis tomorrow. She
Is doing fairly well since the surgery but she still doesn’t have the stamina back yet. I know it can take up to a year but I’ll be honest we saw such great gains early on that I think I felt she would be fully recovered by now. My own fault for building my expectations too high.

Now the intensive therapist is telling us she should be in braces. She is concerned that Haley will need another surgery if we do not put her back in braces. This doesn’t make Haley happy and honestly I’m not thrilled about it either but i need to take my feelings out of it and decide what is best for Haley. The problem is that not all dr’s and therapists agree. So in the end it’s up to Mel and I to make the right decision.

Please note this post was written last Saturday. I’ll post an update about St Louis tomorrow.

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Last week we were given the assignment to write about love. This week I have one hundred words to write about Forgiveness.

Forgiveness

Didn’t show up at my son’s Bris. Writes a nasty letter saying to screw off. A phone call. A visit? “lets just you and I meet.“ “screw off” Writes and email on my 35th birth day saying how it was my fault.

I respond, with sadness, with love, with a request; Can we try to follow some rules that will stop this pattern from happening again. No Response!

I travel to PA from Georgia and call. I try to visit. No response!

I don’t know if I have it in me any more. Can I forgive? I think I can!

Not post related: I know my father reads my blog. It is the only contact I have with him. I love him and hope he will reach out accepting that I have reached out to him. It’s likely that he will not. I believe he feels I should apologize to him for something. I suggest that no apologies are necessary we only need to follow rules of communication going forward. This is my last ditch effort, if this public letter and appeal does not solicit a response I will live my life with the assumption that I will not hear from him again knowing that I still don’t know what the future may hold, but I am now done holding out hope.

Fatherhood 100 posts

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What does
Selflessness! +
Strength! +
Devotion! +
tenderness! +
Support! +
Listen! +
Discipline! +
caring! +
service! +
Asking! +
Feeling! +
Crying! +
Laughing! +
Intensity +
Relaxing +
Encouraging +
Lifting +
Wishing +
Believing +
Hugging +
Inspiring +
Kissing +
Surprising +
Learning +
Dependability +
Children +
Parents +
Siblings +
Wife +
Husband? +
Cousins +
Dogs +
Skiing +
Running +
Swimming +
Beach +
Mountains +
Writing +
Eating +
Achieving +
Friendship +
Talking +
Disney +
Family cuddle +
Spooning +
Thinking +
Dancing +
Giggles +
Loss +
Fear +
Anger +
Hate +
Achievement +
Fun +
Depth +
Spirit +
New +
Old +
Beauty +
Dullness +
Emptiness +
Rain +
Sun +
Waves +
Boats +
Expression +
College +
Old friends +
New friends +
Saturdays +
Football +
Smiles +
Cheeks +
Parties +
Passion +
Saltwater Fish +
Work +

Parenting +
Personal Development +
Blogging +
Freedom +
Passion +
Persistence +
The sound of the word “daddy” from my children!
Equal ==================

LOVE

The above post was written for The Fatherhood 100 Project hosted over at Dad at the Chalkboard . The topic was love and I could write up to 1oo words about Love.

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PLEASE NOTE this post is from 4/12/2009

This paragraph is new content.
It’s funny I’m reading this post a year later and decided to re-run the post. I haven’t bloged on the site in a while and I’m reading through the archives. After reading this post I’m baffeled by the fact that I didn’t talk about when Haley first learned how to climb. It was on the stairs. Haley is an auditory learner and she often needs to tell herself what to do next. When she hears what she should do her brain is able to process the instructions and make her physical body work but when she just sees what she should do she can not process it as well. An example of this is when she learned to climb the stairs. She learned and memorized a cadence. Hand Hand Knee Knee Foot Foot. Once she had this cadence memorized she was able to climb the stairs. I think of that cadence when I remember the instructions I gave her for climbing this structure. She really can do anything she wants as long as she is determined to do it.

Original Post was April 12, 2009

Today was an awesome day. Haley and I went on a date to the park. We went to a park that she does not usually go to. As soon as we arrived there was an ice cream truck so we got some ice cream bars. After eating the bars we went on the swings which is always her first adventure at any park. After the swings she went over to the little kid play structure. She always plays on the little kid structures first if she is at a place she doesn’t know well. It’s sort of a warm up. Anyway we went over to the big play structure after she was comfortable. This structure was really good for her since it had stairs and handle bars all the way to the top and there was no where were the was an opening on both sides. But whenever Haley gets nervous she resorts to crawling. So we walked through the structure together a few times until she felt comfortable walking through the entire structure.

This play set also had a plastic rock wall. Not the kind that is planks of wood with hand grips but more of a molded plastic that actually looks like rock. Anyway after looking at it and asking Haley if she wanted to try it and failing miserably once we took a step back and looked at what we wanted to achieve. First I explained how she could go from one smallest step to the next then I showed her where the smallest steps were and how she could get from one to the next. Then we tried it together. She climbed 2-3 times with assistance and then she decided to try it on her own. She did it. She did it well, and She is AWESOME!!! Here is some video I ended up taking on my cell phone.

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It’s been a while since my last blog and I realize I’ve been blogging less over here since I started the DADvocate Project. It’s not that I don’t have tons to say it’s just that I have so much going on and I can’t seem to get everything I want to get done, done. My next big project over here is to get my video of Post SDR edited and uploaded. I also have an interview I did with Haley about the next book she wants to write about the SDR and she and Raye Raye have started writing it. I’m going to write an accompaniment to this book this time, we really want it to be a resource for families who are going through any surgery like this. It’s not just scary for the kids it’s scary for the parents too and it’s terribly emotionally draining. I’m still not over the significant impact it has had on my life.

So what prompted me to write tonight was sitting down at the computer. Haley had left her profile up and the letter she typed today. I thought I had mentioned this in a previous blog post but I can’t find it now….prior to the surgery Mel, Haley and I took a little trip up to Gwinnett and met a boy who had had the surgery when he was three. His involvement was slightly different from Haley’s but they are similar, and they are the same age, and I think Haley really enjoyed meeting another person, a boy, who looked and moved similarly to her. It turns out the boy needed to have a surgery this summer too and he just had it the other day.

Haley decided to write a letter to him. It is up on my computer now and I’m going to save it so we don’t loose it but while it’s not the first letter she has written it is the first letter she has written to a boy. It’s interesting as it reflects a question spelled by her “cweshin” from her experience with surgery =”can you walking or no?” and a hint of excitement “my mom thinks we mite see echoth agan soon.” I have to admit that I find it fascinating that Haley was compelled to write the letter and connect with someone who is like her and going through the same things.

By the way Haley has recovered from the surgery and is doing so incredibly well that she has even developed a 7 year old mouth calling me a “Know it all,” telling us she hates us and wishes she had another family and the other typical seven year old stuff. I think we’ll be in for a long year but I’m excited to see how she develops her independence she’ll have so much more freedom to do so because it will be easier for her to keep up. I think she’ll feel she’s struggling at first but it won’t take her long and she’ll be rocking along with the rest of the second graders. Of course there be some struggles but that’s to be expected.

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Well a few days back my Little man started crawling and he didn’t take long to find trouble either. He loves going after cords, and loves to crawl into his sister’s room where he has managed to stand up against a mattress and fall backwards and push up on and fall against a wooden stool and all this has occurred in the last three days mind you. I’m excited and wanted to document it because I won’t remember if I don’t document it.

The other thing that is pretty neat and I didn’t realize is The DADvocate Project is starting to crawl too. We have hit some major goals this week and we are going to put on a big push in July with the intention of doubling the survey participants but I want to take a moment to reflect on the project time line.

March – My son is conceived and I decide to start a blog. The two are not related. The blog doesn’t actually get started until April.

Last year Father’s Day – I had no idea there was a daddy blogging industry I had simply started a blog about my ADD and Dyslexia and my Daughters CP. I was just getting into social media, and I was enjoying writing. I wrote an article for which I was awarded father of the year. My Son is Incubating.

July – Last July I wrote 11 posts and published 10 of them. I still have one in draft form. I hadn’t yet thought of The DADvocate Project but I did write a post on breaking down goals. In another post I wrote about telling people to be happy and how my then two-year old had just figured out how to change my mood by smiling. It’s funny the project I worked on last July and blogged about in my last post of the month gave me the basis for conducting this project. The interesting thing about that post is me asking myself if I could pay someone to do the data crunching. I couldn’t for that project. I tried to pay someone to do some data crunching on this project but they gave me crap results back so I’m hesitant to try again but it may happen. My Son is Incubating.

August – The idea for this project began to fester on my way home from Home Depot. I thought about the term DADvocate and formed a definition in my head. DADvocate – someone who is a dad first, who cares about their family and works to make it strong. A man. – Mind you I still have no idea there is such a thing as daddy blogging. My Son is incubating.

September – I’m really playing with the idea of The DADvocate Project. I’m starting to float it to others and see what they think. I tell my chiropractor about the idea. My son is getting closer.

October – Issac is born. I write this prayer for his bris. A few weeks later I receive the card below in the mail. It’s from my chiropractor.

November – I decide I have to go for it and plan a soft launch of the DADvocate project for Thanks Giving. I initially reach out to all my friend on Facebook and begin to use twitter like a tool to reach people. I also attend my second and third tweet ups where I begin to tell people I’m doing this project. The DADvocate Project is born and I don’t sleep at night because the new baby.

December – I meet my graphic artists @havanatweets and one of the worlds best networkers @TarynP. Taryn is interested in my project and tells me about Dad-O-Matic. I decide to go for it and reach out to Chris Brogan to see if I can join his site. Chris kindly re-directs me to @Paisano and I become a contributor.

Jan – I have some problems with the survey in the first couple of months and switch from a Google Docs form to Surveygizmo. The switch was a good idea but I still have problems with merging the data. Isaac is beginning to sleep longer.

Feb – I engage Havana to do my graphics work for the DADvocate project. She is awesome to work with and together we come up with a great brand. I get thesis and start to put the site together. I also migrate a ton of posts and data. At this point I had gathered around 100 survey participants. I had also started to become friendly with Drew from benspark.com and had to interview him multiple times because of technical glitches. Luckily Drew is great guy and good sport and I consider him a friend today.

Mar – The new site launches. I join Dad Revolution. CC Chapman mentions the project and I get 25 survey participants in one day. We are now sleeping through the night and getting some smiles from the little guy.

April – In April the word began to spread and I was interviewed on CoachRadio.Tv – Isaac can sit up now.

May – We do an interview with High Velocity Radio. The DADvocate podcasts get in to full gear but I take a vacation in early may at the beach, and we Have Haley’s operation at the end of may. We are trying to push hard on the project but we also have a life and work outside of the project. I feel the project slow a little at the end of May. Isaac is on his hands and knees. He is trying very hard to crawl but not there yet.

June – Isaac is beginning to push him self forward but you really can’t call it crawling. It’s more of thrust and fall forward until you get what you want. I kind of feel The DADvocate project is doing the same thing. It’s moving forward one thrust at a time but I just haven’t quite gotten to the crawling stage. The Podcasts are going well and I’m invited to speak at the Modern Media Man Summit. I was highlighted by @tessasdad on SAHDinLansing.com. Things are going in the right direction and I’m thrusting and falling forward but I’m not quite sure that I’m crawling yet. Then the last week of June arrives and Isaac begins to crawl . I interview Dad of Diva’s and he suggests an all out daddy blogger approach. I decide that July will be my month to really start crawling.

July – Today is July 1st. Your reading this on my blog, received it as a news letter, read it on Facebook, or Linked In. Saw a tweet and fond the article. At this point we have reached 202 survey participants and the 12th DADvocate Podcast will be posted tomorrow. If you’re a dad blogger, It’s likely I’ll be reaching out to you and asking if I can post a guest blog this month. If you are someone who has taken part in the survey I’m asking you to leave a comment on this post about what you like about participating in this project. Finally I’m upping the ante. I have an ongoing contest that when I reach 1000 participants I’m giving away an iPad. Well I think an end date is necessary to encourage participation. I’m going to give the iPad away on August First assuming we reach at least 100 more survey participants this month.

If anyone has any ideas for promoting this project I’m all ears. I’d love to be interviewed on any podcast, radio, or tv show. I’m happy to participate in any blog, newspaper, or magazine interview. I want to spread the word as I feel that the work we are doing is going to help change how people look at fathers. This work, you, your answers and interviews will show exactly how Dads are active and participating in their lives of their children.

Finally if you have not participated in the Survey yet and you’re a dad Then WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR. GO DO IT NOW! Participate and leave your contact information at the end if you want to be included in the drawing for the iPad.

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I was out running tonight and I finished my run right in front of the pool. I decided to take a look because there was a swim team competition there. It was fun to see the parents watching their kids compete. I began to think about Haley sports and competition.

I was not brought up to be competitive in sports. My dad perhaps afraid of what he could be like if he let himself go was reserved in encouraging us to compete. He was a skinny athletic guy who said he was never good at sports but I think he may have been. I also think he was probably pushed to compete when he didn’t want to and he was afraid of doing the same thing to us.

My dad also liked to workout but he never wanted to work out with me. Working out to him was all about working hard and there was no social, or fun in it. As such I think I hated working out for a long time because I thought it had to be hard and work.

Recently Haley competed in a swim meet. She participates on a swim team for kids with disabilities. She really enjoys swimming and is quite good at it but she is slow. At least she was before the operation because she was fighting with her self to kick in spite of her spacticity and had to remember to move her arms at the same time. When she competed even in the disability league she still came in last or next to last and believe it or not they were actually handing out ribbons. I have no problem with this and they were giving ribbons to all the kids but they said the place they finished so the ribbons did indicate how well they swam. My daughter didn’t particularly pay attention to her placement or how she swam compared to the other kids. She was just having a good time which is great. But sometimes she asks “why are things harder for me”, ” Why am I always last.” Right now she really wants the results from the operation to help her run at least as fast as the slowest boy.

So I’m watching this swim meet and reflecting on my thoughts on competition, how I was raised in respect to competition, what I think about competition as a direct result of how I was raised, what I think about competition in respect to my goals of running a half marathon, and I realized that I really don’t know what to tell my daughter about athletic competition. And then I realized that I do or at leas I think I do…

1) Sports are important. They are social and keep you healthy. They are a fun way to work out.
2) Some folks are into competition in sports and that’s cool. Sports is one area of life where you can compete with others but they are not all about competition with others. Sports are about doing as best as you can and being your best. You can compete with others but there will always be someone better and someone worse. That isn’t a reason not to compete and your toughest competition should always be you. If you work your hardest people will want to keep playing with you and they will help you do your best.
3) There are other areas of life where you are going to do better than other people and you want to help and encourage those people in that area of life who are trying to do their best, just like you want to be encouraged where you are trying your best.
4) There is no reason you can’t work out with friends.

Oh yeah and one more thing. My daughters ask me if they could run with me tonight before I was leaving to go. So I promised them that I would take them on a run tomorrow.

What do you think? Do I have the right perspective? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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I was recently asked by a parent if they should do an SDR. We’ve been playing phone tag ever since. I just decided that I would write a post explaining my thoughts on SDR and how I would talk to another parent about it

I have to start by saying that the operation was a huge success for us an I can say that confidently, eventhough we are still in the recovery stages of the operation. As I mentioned in my last post Haley recognizes how much easier things are and is excited about the possibilities. As a parent I can see how much easier moving is and I’m Amazed at how quickly her strength seems to be returning. this week she started walking independantly within the house. As she gains confidence I think we will begin to leave the walker at home. So I can safely say that if your child is moderatly imparied then this treatment is awesome. That said, we chose to have the best most experienced dr in the country do the surgery. He makes a smaller incision than any other doctor and takes less bone. he has performed close to 2000 of these surgeries successfully and while I know there are other dr thY perform this surgery I wouldn’t recommend anyone other than Dr. Park.

Now that you know I think the sdr is great, I have to say that I’m positive the results of the surgery are different for every child. I spent a lot of time on the Internet looking for pictures and video of other children that had the surgery. I tried to look at how they moved befor and after and I looked at how they moved compared to my daughter. I pretty much came up with a mental composit of how Haley would fair after the operation. it turns out that I wasn’t far off. I believe this is a great exercise if your considering the operation. It helps you to see the “why” in the decision. Oh yeah we also got the opinion of every theripst, and multiple doctors. Not everyone agreed that we were making the right decision. Some of those people we have a ton of respect for and know personally much better than the Dr who performed the surgery. In the end it comes down to 1) it’s your decision as the parent and 2) how agressive do you want to be as a parent.

finally I will say that after I spent all that time doing my part and made the decision I did pray that it would be the right one.
IT WAS
IT IS
THANK G-D

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It’s been a little over three weeks since the surgery and I’m not sure when I uploaded the last update. I’m writing this one on my iPhone since my Internet is out tonight.

Haley is doing extreemely well and recovering quickly from the sdr. She woke up before I left for work today and was sitting the stairs talking to me after having dressed herself. I told her how proud I was that she did that and she told me that it is much easier for her to dress now because she can move her legs more easily.

I can’t really explain how good that made me feel. When we made the decision to do the surgery we knew it should makenthings easier but we did not know how she would feel about it. Her validation today that things are easier for her means a lot. As is there are some things that are harder like she still cant walk independantly yet but I think she sees the progress she is making daily and understands that it just takes some time and practice.

I do have some videos and pics that I want to get up on the site but I just haven’t had time to put them together and edit them. I’ll post that stuff soon.

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I don’t think I posted this after the operation but it was a very moving moment and I wanted to be sure I captured it for any other parent that might be considering an SDR for their child. It was within twenty four hours that my daughter said to us “hey my legs feel loose, the stiffness is gone.” She was still in bed, she was still on serious pain medicine but she felt it. She had never known anything different but all of the sudden she knew what it meant for the stiffness to be gone. It was a wonderful moment.

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