Today March 31 2011 was a big day in my life. I decided to close the DADvocate Project Survey. I’ve been running the survey for over a year and today was the final day. I did not hit my original goal of 1000 dads but I reset my goal last month when I had only 375 dads having completed the survey and in one month some how I managed to get another 127+ dads to take the survey. If I had set a deadline originally and pushed I would probably have 1000 dads today but I’m very happy with the 500 and maybe I’ll get 1000 on next year’s survey.

Today March 31 was also the day we visited Dr. Bruce with Haley. Dr. Bruce is our ortho and he suggested another surgery. Haley was in the office with us as he was talking. I know she absorbs every discussion she hears so I was concerned. I asked if she had any questions for the Dr. She didn’t.

A little while later we were waiting to pick up her X-ray film and she started talking to me about the surgery. She’s scared and doesn’t want to have to go through another surgery. It’s funny even with the work we are doing with Lets Cure CP, at this point in her life she would still need this next surgery.This surgery will derotate her legs. I don’t know the details of the surgery yet but basically prior to her last surgery she had very stiff muscles. They caused her bones to grow in a deformed manner. This surgery will fix that. It will help her walk even better and long term will be good.

Of course that means going through another year where she goes into a wheel chair, then to a walker, to AFOS and finally back into SMOS. It will be a difficult recovery and I hate it for her.

I’m not much for blaming, complaining, or wishing things were different but I sure wish I could take on this burden for her. I hate that she had to deal with this again.

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted but it’s the new year so I want to let you know my plans for this site over 2011. Many of you know I keep a few blogs including TheDADvocateProject.com, Metzgerbusiness.com and now RoadToThin.com and Kevin-Metzger.com. Technically Kevin-Metzger.com isn’t a blog as I don’t post anything to that site and RoadToThin.com is a partnership with three other men. I also write at 5minutesForSpecialNeeds.com, DadRevolution.com, DadOMatic.com and soon the EastCobber.com. so you can see I’m quite busy. This site has lost focus over time and I had to think about how it fit into the other work I’m doing. Really this site and my work at 5MinutesForSpecialNeeds.com is very complimentary and I’ll be refocusing on issues related to ADD, Dyslexia and Cerebral Palsy specifically on this site. I’ll promise a weekly article to be published on Tuesdays and a reference to the article I write at 5 minutes for special needs on Thursdays. If my audience would like I’ll also point to any other articles I’ve published that week.

The one thing that I think many in this audience will miss is the Dad/family focus that many of the stories I write have. If you are among one of those readers please go over to TheDADvocateProject.com and choose to sigh up for the news letter. Most to all of my dad/family articles will be posted on that site moving forward.

Regards,
Kevin

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Haley and Raye Lynn – Atl MJCCA Book Festival 11-14 from Kevin Metzger on Vimeo.

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Well recently, my cute princess, my sweet little daughter, my babby girl is going to the bathroom by herself and wiping. Unfortunatly she is forgetting one very important step, FLUSHING. When I mentioned it to my wife she said that she talked to my daughter about it a few times but it hadn’t helped. So I told my wife that I would take care of the situation.

I knew I could get her to start flushing if I gave her the proper perspective on the situation. Here is our conversation:

“Abby, do you  know how much I love you?” “Yes, Daddy.” “Do you know how cute you are?” “Yes, daddy.” “Do you know something that isn’t cute, it’s actually really really really yucky?” “No, daddy. What is it?” She smiles. “Abby, It’s really yucky when someone goes poopy in the toilet and doesn’t flush it.” “Why daddy?” “Well, isn’t poopy yucky?” “Uhun” “Well, when it sits in the potty it gets yuckier and yuckier. And now Isaac is crawling around and getting into the toilets do you want him to play with your poopy?” “EWWW, no daddy.” “Good, so are you going to flush the potty from now on?” “Yes, Daddy.” “Okay so you’ll remember to flush the toilet? Because I’m going to have to call you poopy face if you don’t remember. Do you want to be called poopy face?” “No daddy, I’ll flush.” “Okay good because I don’t want to have to call you poopy face.”

I know, I know i’m a terrible father. I’ve just used coorision in an unfair manover to outsmart my kid. But she has started flushing. I hope she doesn’t need an long term therapy from the encounter.

PS This post was inspired by Josh Becker’s comment on twitter “ATTN GUYS: When you use a public bathroom flush the toilet YOU PIGS! Have a nice day! #DadsTalking“

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On top of my wifes ability to set up fun class room environments she also knows how to play with the kids to make learning through play fun and it’s this fact that makes the following story so funny.

These days when I’m putting the kids to be I often play a game of hide and seek or something like that prior to going to sleep. I know, I know, but it’s not like I’m feeding them cafeen and I theorize that spending the energy makes them crash. Well Mel was putting away laundry and Abby asked her to play a game with us.  Mel said no and Abby asked “Mommy, are you allergic to play?” Needless to say Mel started playing with us.

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My new friend’s name is Sally and you can buy your custom cane/crutch from her at EveryKidMobility.com. (Disclaimer: This is not an affiliate link and I currently have no business relation with Sally other than purchasing a cane from her. http://cmp.ly/0)

Sally and I have been talking and it turns out she has CP herself and is quite an impressive person. On top of writing a children’s book she also wrote an article form the perspective of a special needs child to her parents. It is wonderful and moved me, so I asked if I could share it with you, my readers. Sally agreed so here it is:

10 Things I Wish You Knew

a note from a special kid to special parents

You are the perfect parents for me.

I know that you did not sign up for a kid like me- I also know that you sometimes think you cannot face what it takes to raise me. I want you to know that this is not true. I believe that I chose you. Whatever you need to learn, you will learn, The strength you think you need will come from somewhere. the people you need to meet will show up when you need them.

This is the perfect life for me.

My life is a very sepecial one. I believe that I will impact the world in aa unique and wonderful way. Remember this when you heart is breaking because you want a path fo me that is so much easier than this one.

I need you to find your own spiritual path.

Sometimes you will feel tired and helpless and like you cannot care for me one more day. sometimes you will be mad because there seems to be no excaping me. That is OK- There is no way you could take care of me without having those days. Sometimes you may watch people look at me and be a bit embarressed that I am not doing better- that does not make you a bad parent… it just means you are human. Know that when you have lots of these days in a row, it is time for you to get somebody else to take care of me, just long enough for you to regenerate yourself. It is always important that you let people help you. I am depending on you to do whateveryou need to do to take care of yourself.

However I feel about my disability is OK.

Some days you will be amazed at what a happy contented person I am and you will wonder how in the world I do it. Treasure those days. Some days I will be discouraged, some days I will be mad, some days I will feel really sorry for myself. Don’t panic, I will come back around again. If you let me express these unattractive feelings, they have much less power. Even typical folks feel sorry for themselves sometimes.

Let me try things I want to try, even if you are sure I will fail.

I know that you want to protect me- that is your job, I am your child. But I need you to understand that my survival is always going to depend on my determination. Part of my own process is to figure out what my limitations really are. Sometimes I may want to try to do things that seem impossible to you. Please encourage me anyway. It is the willingness to try that is importatn- succes is a bonus. Know that if I fail, I will get over it. If you make me scared to try, I am really doomed.

Don’t worry about my whole life today.

Sometimes you will drive yourself crazy worring about how my life will turn out. You will lose hours of sleep trying to figure out how I will survive in the world after you are gone. This is not helpgul to me. Just help me stay in today. The more you can focus on whatever we have to face today, the more you will be helping me develop the skills I will need when it is time for me to get along without you.

Sometimes people will be mean to me or scared of me. I expect you to stick up for me but, I do not expect you to change the world.

There are lots of really wonderful people in the world. You and I will meet many of them. There are also some real jerks who will be afraid of me or not treat me fairly. They will assume things about me that are not true. They may even assume things about you tat are not true. you may want to blow their brains out. I may want to do the same. I expect you to speak up for me when you can. But I also need for you to be able to let it go. It will not help me if you are mad and defensive all the time. If you are, there are people who may not want to help me just because it is too hard for them to deal with you.

Finding good doctors and professionals is important but, you know me better than they do- I expect you to trust  your own instincts about what is good for me.

The doctors and therapists that work with me are going to be very important in the quality of my life. Some of them will be amazing and some of them will be pretty crazy.  Often, it will be up to you to decide which is which. Listen to them, and know that what they say is important but, also remember that you know me best. If something they suggest does not feel right to you, listen to the small voice and speak up.

I really hope we can laugh.

Ibelieve that laughing was probably God’s best idea- It will be the one thing that can bring joy to our lives the quickest- If I get stuck in a mud puddle, it is probably funny. If you are lifting me and we both fall on the floor in a heap, that is probably funny too. A good joke is worth taking the time to laugh at- Help me not get so caught up in the serious problems we face every day to forget about laughing.

Sally R. Brown

Sally, Thank you so much for giving me this gift. As I read and re-wrote your article again on my blog I believe I could probably write an article about every topic you listed and I might just do that, but the last one moved me to joyful tears as I thought about my daughters infectus laugh that truly brightens everyones day who hears it. We too laugh when she is walking into a room and then just Disapears. “Haley, were did you go? You just disapeared.” “Dad, I’m down here.” “Oh, how did you get down there I thought you just disappeared.” This conversation ends in us cracking up all the time.

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It was honestly a great day and Haley didn’t even have to use the walker. We did bring her stroller along but she didn’t even use it all that much. She also had hippo that morning so it’s pretty amazing that she was able to do as much walking as she did. The therapy is working. I should have know it would. I got a few private email’s about my Self Pity post. I don’t want anyone to worry. It was just a difficult day and it’s okay to have them sometimes. I write this blog with the intention of providing other parents who deal with special needs hope and a positive focus. I feel strongly that while we can’t choose our circumstance we can choose how we react to them. But even the most positive among us have bad days and that post was written on one of mine. I’m thankful to those who reached out. You have encouraged me with your words.

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I was working the other night and Abby my middle child was busy playing with her dolls. She does this often and she is always carrying them from one room to the next. She lays them down and I guess they are always doing something but usually when I ask I’m told, “We’re not playing with your right now.” Haley did this too when she was Abby’s age so I never really pay too much attention when she is playing but when I turned around the other day I noticed something strange. The dolls were lined up head to toe, kind of in a line. Usually she has them laying shoulder to shoulder. So I asked “Abby, what are your dolls doing?” “Daddy, they are in line to play on the trampoline!”

I’m amazed what little minds can come up with when given the freedom to play creatively. I’m also amazed at the fact that we can so easily get distracted by our day to day lives that we forget to ask all to often, or we let the “I’m not playing with you right now.” response lay because we are busy doing something else.

Do you ever forget to ask you children about their imaginary play?

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We had our first Keurig for about 3.5 years before the pump stopped working. I bought the Keurig when I took my last job because I was going to be driving far and was too lazy to wake up an extra 10 minutes early to brew a cup of coffee. We also bought it because my wife likes flavored coffee and I like strong brews.

We liked the brewer so much that we decided to go out buy another one after it stoped working. We have the cheap version, relative to other Keurig brewers.  The old brewer went out right before Issac was born and we really liked to use the brewer to poor an instant cup of hot water which we had discovered when Abby was an infant. It’s much faster than a microwave and the cup never got too hot to touch.

Well the new brewer started flaking out and I was upset. I felt like while 3.5 years was short for a brewer it was at least 3.5 years. Here we are a little over a year after buying our last one and it’s flaking. I decided to call customer service to see what was up. They asked me a few questions about when I bought the brewer and if I had done the recommended regular maintanc. I hadn’t. They then asked for email, phone, home address…. Um, excuse me why are you asking for my home address? “Oh, well sir your brewer is out of warrenty and you haven’t done your maintance but we are going to send you another one free.” “All you have to do is send back the k-cup holder from the old brewer.” WOWeeeeeeeeeee WOW WOW ! I didn’t even have to get angry, indignant or anything all I did was report the problem and they decided it couldn’t be fixed and are replacing it. They did tell me that I was required to do the mainance thing called descaling. Which I will do but I’m a happy customer and so I just wanted to tell the world about it. If you are thinking about it go ahead and buy a Keurig. We love ours and I love the company.

I’m posting an amazon affiliate link right here for anyone that loves coffee, has limited time and needs a new brewer.

Oh yeah one last thing if your a dad reading this post Please go take The DADvocate Project Survey. If your a mom reading this post then you likely have a man in your life whom you call the father of your kids, please ask him to take The DADvocate Project Survey.

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