It was seven years ago tonight when I began this current journey I’m on. That was when we, my wife and I, lost our first born a son. That was the day I became a daddy. Eleven months later our first daughter was born 2 months too early, but I became a daddy 7 years ago tonight. That night was the beginning of the most wonderful experience I have had in my life time. It was that night that I first got a glimpse of understanding of what it means to care about someone or something more than yourself. It was that first stab of a knife to the hart that opened it to the wonderful gift of parenthood.

It’s now seven years later and I have a wonderful six year old. Below is some video of her trotting this past weekend. Who would have thought five years ago when we finally diagnosed the CP she would have been trotting on a horse and climbing walls.

And the little one. What a character. “yeth”= “yes”, “babby”=”Abby”, “yeah-yeah”= “Haley”, “I Abby”, “I Abby Cadabby”, “I Abbadoodle”.

Here’s Abby Cadabby on the mic

Man, I enjoy work, I enjoy friends, but there is nothing as fun and exciting as raising kids. Teaching them, Challenging them, helping them to challenge themselves. Loving them, and even smushing their cheeks. Laughing with them, Laughing at them, teasing them, Being daddy, being dad, being a patient, being a mom, wearing a funny hat, wearing crazy t-shirts that say SupperDad with pride, having a mug made just for you and having your daughter remind you every day you drink from it and drinking from it every day just to hear her say it again. Falling asleep with her when you put her to bed while she is talking to you because you just can’t keep up with her. Tossing them on the bed, pillow fights, dress up, being doctor, giving back rides, being tough, being all of this. Being soo much less, being soo much more. Being entirely loved no matter what you look like, smell like, feel like, having them notice the mole on your neck and asking daddy are your ok. Being everything and more to the kids and knowing it. Is there anything like being a dad? Is there anything that can make you want to be the best that you can be, more than your kids, your wife, your family. They’ll love you if you fail at everything else and fail them and they’ll still love you. I think I might know why too, maybe it’s because your kids know your soul and they almost never loose and attachment to it. I know i’ll never lose my attachment to my first son who I lost 7 year ago tonight. I love you Zack, I love the soul I hope I’ll get to know someday.

and I can’t wait to do it all again with #3. Coming Early October.

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Every night when it’s time to go up stairs for bath and bed the kids procrastinate. There kids of course they procrastinate bed time. Well a number of months ago I realized that I could encourage the progress of matriculating up stairs by declairing a race. Both Haley and Abby seem to love competition and this is a little fun way to beat daddy which is of course the goal. After we had been racing for a while I decided to institute a new rule. You can only win a race if you go up the stair foot over foot.

For the uninitiated foot over foot means that you step up on one stair and ambulate to the next stair by lifting your back foot over the front foot and making that foot you new front foot. BAM! we have now instituted therapy into play and everyone loves it.

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What are your goals? What have you done today to make them happen? If one person can decide to walk 900 miles then so can another.

There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something.
Henry Ford

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Almost every Saturday morning for the last year Haley and I get up and go to horseback. She has been riding since she was about 3 years old. Horseback is something she gets to do that almost none of her friends get to experience. So how and why does a child with CP ride a horse?

Well it’s therapy of course but she hardly knows she’s getting therapy when she’s up on the horse she is just learning how to ride. The therapy is called hippo therapy and it’s very good because when a human sits on a horse the movement of the horse trains that human to shift body weight, helps the human gain core strength, and eventually if your lucky helps the human’s hips move independently of the rest of the body. Well this Saturday our therapist said that she saw Haley moving her hips independently of her body for the first time. This is a great step forward for Haley and the persistence pays off!

If you live in GA and would like to learn more about Hippo Therapy visit Creative Therapy. Marie is the owner and is wonderful. Berni DeWit is our OT and has been incredible for Haley.

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Today, I read a blog by Elizabeth called MyKidsSupport about something called the blue blob. According to Elizabeth the blue blob is a cloud that sits over a child with dyslexia and that blob can dissipate or clear. Reading her blog reminded me of my belief in what I call breakthroughs.

The best way I can describe what it feels like to have a breakthrough is by describing a ride I went on once when I was a kid. It was a flight simulator that emulated breaking through the sound barrier. You got in the simulator and it started with a take off. The seats tilted backwards and they blew wind at you. There was this tremendous screen in front of you showing the land go by faster and fast and it felt like you were shooting into the air at an unbelievable rate. The ride got more and more intense until finally you hit mock speed and broke the sound barrier. They stopped the wind level you off and you felt like you were gliding. Everything became easy!

My first breakthrough was when my parents moved me back to the public school systems in the 4th grade. My parents decided to hold me back a year and it was probably good that they did. I worked my rear end off that year staying up until 11 pm at night trying to keep up with my home work and class work. But sometime late in that year it all clicked. I had been working with tutors, my father had been drilling math table into me, and I was studying like crazy everything had been difficult. I would spend hours in my room crying about how hard it was but then I GOT IT! I don’t mean I understood and I can’t explain why but I GOT IT! I GOT IT! I GOT IT! I have had this type of experience at least 3 other times in my life, eleventh grade, college, and when I had my daughter. Working to the breakthrough point is exciting and many times necessary to hit that next level of growth.

I believe breakthroughs are something everyone can achieve. I have seen it with my daughter who has CP. I know people in business who have had them and I believe with a little training you can have them too.

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Today I went to lunch with a few people from work. One of the guys was talking about some topic but using the wrong words to describe what he was talking about. We were joking about it when he said he thinks this has something to do with his dyslexia. Then I realized, I do it too! I do it all the time! I’m talking knowing perfectly well what I mean and what I’m saying but I’m using a wrong word so everyone around me who doesn’t know me thinks I’m out of my mind. This discussion is a little abstract so let me try to give an example.

“I just love the flame broiled hamburgers from McDonald’s.” Everybody would think I lost my mind McDonald’s doesn’t make Flame broiled hamburgers Burger King does. The funniest thing is I thought I was talking about Burger King the whole time. I never realized I said McDonald’s. I never even thought about McDonald’s. McDonald’s was just the word my brain grabbed to say when I was thinking about Burger King.

Now I owe the above example to my friend because he used it to explain how he thought but as I said this happens to me all the time. I suspect that the reason for the mix up has to do with how our brains associate meanings to words and how we categorize the words in our brain’s filing system. Anyway it’s always neat to learn something about yourself.

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I’m currently sitting in the waiting room of the hospital. My wife has just had procedure which will help get her through our fourth pregnancy and hopefully produce our 3rd child. In our first pregnancy at 22 weeks she went in to the doctor’s office because she wasn’t feeling right. She got there had an ultra sound and was told to go directly to the hospital. We met a specialist at the hospital and he told us that Mel’s cervix was opening and the fluid sack had come through. Mel was put in an inverted hospital bed overnight to see if the fluid would go back up into the womb. It did not. We decided to try and experimental procedure that was risky but we would lose the pregnancy anyway if we didn’t try it. They were going to drain the fluid out of the sack hopefully without breaking it and then push the sack back in. If that was successful then they would stitch up her cervix and put mel on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. Unfortunately that did not go as planned and we lost our first pregnancy at 22 weeks. Our first child was a son who was going to be named Zack.

It was very difficult for both of us after losing Zack and Mel especially had a hard time being around friends and family that had babies. But after a few months she was pregnant aging and the doctors new what to do this time to ensure she made it through. They brought her into the hospital at 13 weeks and put a stitch in. She was put on bed rest until 32 weeks when the doctors said she had made it far enough that they would lift restrictions with significant limitations. She was allowed to go to a baby shower that her friend were throwing for her. When she came home there was so many presents that I felt the need to knock out the back wall of the closet to expand it. That night we had dinner at our house and Mel said she didn’t feel that well. When she woke up the next morning she wanted to call the doctor. The doctor sent us to the hospital. I actually protested as we had previously had a close call and Mel who has a tendency to complain over small things wasn’t complaining that much. -lesson for me, when she is really scared she acts fine.- Anyway we got to the hospital and ended up delivering at 32 weeks. When Haley was born they took her immediately and began breathing treatment. She was breathing on her own later that night but she would be in the nic-u for the next 3 weeks. But we had our baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes she seemed healthy although she didn’t want to eat much and that was all we had asked for. We would be a bit more specific on our next one.

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Earlier today I was talking with someone from work as we were leaving and a great idea for a blog topic popped in my head. I remember as clearly as I can remember waking up this morning. It was a fantastic topic and one on which I have written articles before. I couldn’t wait to get home and start writing. Anyway my friend then started tell me about his research on genealogy and then I took my long ride home and then put the kids to bed and I can’t for the life of me remember what the topic is. I remember the inspiration but not the topic.

Well this is the type of thing that always happens to me if I don’t write stuff down. I used to think I could keep everything in my head but that’s crazy and I’ve become worse at it as I get older. The funny thing is I’ve been keeping a journal related to the development and writing of this blog. I am tracking other blogs that I want to read for inspiration, articles I want to write, improvements that I need to make, resources I want to capture and provide to the community, interviews I want to conduct, people I want to profile, etc. Maybe this isn’t ADD maybe it’s a function of age after all I did forget to get ice the other day at the grocery store one day this weekend and then stamps another. Maybe I’m just loosing it all together. I wonder if I’ll miss my mind. Oh I forgot I lost that a long time ago.

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I was diagnosed with dyslexia at 6 years old. I didn’t learn how to read until I was 11 years old in 4th grade. My handwriting is still practically illegible.

Here is my advice to anyone who has a child with this type of problem.

Buy them a computer… (paraphrase get them interested in something)

I was 11 when I convinced my father that we needed one. After all I wouldn’t have to worry about spelling or my handwriting if we had one. That was back in 86′.

In my professional life as an adult I am an avid reader and have work for IBM Global Services as a consultant in the computer industry, UPS in the computer industry and Sage Software. All because I thought it was cool that I could make a computer do neat things if I typed the right things on a keyboard.

By the way the computer always gave me positive feedback.

So was it the computer or just something that I took an interest in… I don’t know but I recommend finding out what your kid’s interests are and integrate learning with their interest. See what they can do. I promise they will surprise you. For that matter find out what your interests are. Understand what you you enjoy doing and take the steps necessary to do it.

My 5 year old daughter with Cerebral Palsy manages to surprise me every day just by keeping her working on the things she is interested in.

Most recently Hanna Montana. She and I dance to it all the time. WOW Physical Therapy is FUN.

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I remember getting all wrapped up in a cord as a kid as I paced around while on the phone. Today I still tend to pace while on the phone but now I have a wireless headset. Now plenty of people pace but few do it with the fanaticism I do it with. When I’m on the phone at work I put my headset on with the intention of taking notes at my desk, but as soon as I’m asked a question, I’m up out of my seat and half way down the hall before I even know I’m moving. It’s crazy and luckily most of my office just laughs at me and they all know I really can’t help it. Well last night I when I was reading symptoms of ADD I found out that the pacing thing is just part of it.

I’ve known I’ve had ADD since I was a child but I haven’t looked at the symptoms in the last 15 years or so. I had forgotten how much of my personality is based on my ADD. The funny thing is I love it. I think it adds character to who I am and sometimes I just can help being me.

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